The Real Elemental Heroes
by Fullmetal Shinobi
Summary: Anime City is in trouble! Only the Elemental Heroes can save it! But with their...well, colorful personalities and general dysfunction, they usually cause more trouble than what they're worth. OMGWTFBBQ there's an update!
1. Putting Fun in Dysfunctional

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or any of the anime featured in this story. If I did, I would crucify Crowler for all of his sins and the E-Heroes would be way stronger(if they were I would ahve kept all of mine...)

The Real Elemental Heroes

By Fullmetal Shinobi

Chapter 1: Put the Fun in Dysfunctional

TV Announcer Guy: "Anime City, the place of residence of some of some of the biggest Anime stars ever! But like all cities, Anime City has it's crime problems. Who will catch the dirty criminals? Why the Elemental Heroes of course! Protecting Anime City from criminals, super villains and Canadians, the Elemental Heroes are our last great hope! cuts to scene where all the E-Heroes are fighting with each other, except for Clayman who is crying in the corner, and Bubbleman, who was playing in traffic) Oh God, if this is our last great hope, we're all screwed"

It was another beautiful day in Anime City. The birds were singing, the alchemists were transmuting crap into other crap, and Gaara was killing random hobos.

But deep underground Anime City, a great evil was brewing. An evil so great, so terrible, that no mortals dared to speak it's name. No it's not Voldemort, it's even than worse than that. It's...it's...the Republican Party!!!! Gasp!!!

In the middle of Anime City, in a building that looked like a giant swoopy H(the E-Hero signal)the E-Heroes were, amazingly, not fighting with each other. Avian was in his room, doing...very naughty things, Burstinitrix was beating the crap out of an Avian punching bag, Clayman was playing with Hot Wheels quietly by himself, Sparkman was drinking tea and being British, Bladedge was wrapping yet another self-inflicted wound in bandages, Wildheart was rope swinging outside the tower and knocking into the windows like a drunken pigeon, Neos was playing World of Warcraft, Necroshade was being emo as usual and Bubbleman was trying his hardest to get his large head out of the garbage disposal.

Just then Commissioner Komui Li appeared in the living room. Komui, of course, was sleeping under a pile of paperwork. All the E-Heroes, except Avian and Bubbleman for obvious reasons, gathered around the moniter.

"Commissioner!" said Bladedge. No answer.

"Commissioner!" yelled Neos. Still no answer, only louder snoring.

"Wake up you lazy mother f-"Burstinitrix started to yell, but she was interrupted by Sparkman before she raised the rating of this story.

"No, no ol' chaps, that's not the way to wake 'im," said Sparkman in his heavy British accent. "You need to do it like this: Oh Komui, I heard that Linali's getting married."

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Why Linali why?!?" exclaimed the recently awakened commissioner/exorcist/overprotective older brother.

"Work every time," said Wildheart in his usual broken speach.

Komui straightened his glasses. "Now, the reason why I called you was because Anime City is being threatened by You-Know-Who," Komui said.

"Who, Voldemort? I'll charbroil him to Double Whopper status!!!" exclaimed Burstinitrix.

"No, not that You-Know-Who. Even worse than that," said Komui through the screen.

"Who could be worse than Voldemort, the Canadians?" asked Bladedge.

"Take a look outside." Burstinitrix set fire to the heavy drapes that covered the very large windows of Hero Tower to reveal thousands upon thousands of middle-aged white American men in suits marching the streets of Anime City.

"Crikey! It's the Republican Party!" exclaimed Sparkman.

"Not Republicans!" screamed Wildheart. Clayman started to cry and Bubbleman mumbled something incoherently from inside the garbage disposal.

"What hath we mortals done to ye almighty God to bringith thy fate upon us!" Neos shouted to the heavens in Old English.

"Well it seems that the Republicans are afraid of losing their power in Congress this year to the Democrats, so they invaded our fair city to scare us into voting for them," explained Komui. "I have no idea why because Anime City is in Japan, but hey, that's Southern logic for you."

"We must stop this conservative menace before it's too late and America is stuck under Republican rule for the next two years," said Bladedge, who raised his fist and accidentally cut himself. He then ran off to bandage himself.

"Wait, why do we care what happens to America?" asked Necroshade, who didn't want to fight because he was too busy being emo.

"Because America is Japan's biggest export market because America can't make cars or electronics or action cartoons worth crap, and if the Republicans remain in control of the Government they may cut off trade with Japan!" said Neos.

"Heretics!" exclaimed Sparkman.

"We must fight aging white men," Wildheart said.

"So what the hell are we waiting for? Hurry up and get Perv Bird and Bubblesped so we can go and kick some ass!" Burstinitrx yelled angrily. Such terms of endearment she gives her comrades.

Neos went over to Avian's door. "Avian, come on! We have to go save the city again!" said Neos.

"Just a second...gah! Look at the mess I made! Oh well I'll let housekeeper take care of it," Avian said. "Hang on let me find my pants...oh, here they are." Avian ran out the door of his Playboy poster endowed room and zipped his pants up.

"What where you doing in there?" Clayman asked in his childlike innocence.

"I'll tell you when you're older," said Avian, combing his hair.

Meanwhile, Sparkman, Wildheart and Burstinitrix were trying to get Bubbleman's head out of the drain. Necroshade was listening to his Ipod, still being emo.

"A little 'elp ol' chaps, we can't get Bubbleman's head out of the sink!" Sparkman said.

"Just turn on the garbage disposal," said Burstinitrix. "It won't be pretty, but but it'll get him unstuck."

"Let me help," said Bladedge. He sliced open the sink, getting Bubbleman's enlarged head out, but also severing his arms in the process. "Dammit not again!" he said as he ran to the infirmary for the third time that afternoon.

"So now that this matter is resolved, let's go save Anime City!" said Avian as he and all the other E-Heroes struck dramatic poses.

Huzza! My first chapter is done! Just to let everyone know, this is my first story so don't go psycho on me if it sucked. I am sorry if this chapter was a little short, my hands started to hurt last night when I was writing my rough draft and my attention span isn't nearly long enough to do anything longer right now. But there will be another chapter of this story soon enough(probably before the end of next week) Please review to let me know if you liked it or not, and please give me suggestions to make the story better or to give me new ideas, my imagination tanks are nearly empty. And for the end of the story, I have some simple character descriptions

Avian is perverted

Burstinitrix is angry at everything that blinks

Clayman has the mind of an autistic 4-year-old

Sparkman is British

Bubbleman is touched in the head

Bladegde is accident-prone

Neos is a nerd

and it doesn't take a genius to figure out what Wildheart and Necroshade are.

Coming next chapter: The E-Heroes and the Republicans face off in a battle of good versus evil and the E-Heroes fight each other in a battle of ego versus ego! Plus more cameos from various animes!

PS: I am very sorry if what Avian was doing early in the story offended anyone. Sayonara until next time!


	2. Power of Veto

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, the Republican Party, or any anime stuff that is in this story. I also don't own any E-Heroes(anymore) but I own you all.

A/N: tears streaming down face anime style I feel special. The first chapter was a success(at least by my standards it was) 110+ hits, 5 reviews and 4 favorites lists. I thank all of you. You guys rock. Now that that sappy message is out of the way, on with the second chapter!(and my beef ramen)

The Real Elemental Heroes

Chapter 2: Power of Veto

By Fullmetal Shinobi

TV Announcer Guy: I our last chapter the Republicans attacked Anime City! Gasp! Also, Bubbleman got his head stuck in the garbage disposal, Burstinitrix destroyed a helpless set of curtains, Avian wacked off and Bladedge dismembered himself. Now the Elemental Heroes are about to face off against the evil conservative policies of the Republican Party! Will they be able to defeat the aging white invaders without getting mad at each other and destroying themselves in the process? Read and find out!

The E-Heroes still where we left them at the last chapter: stuck in dramatic poses.

"Can we stop now?" asked Avian.

"Yeah, the readers are back now," said Neos. They all breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now on to the mission we were assigned 3 weeks ago!" exclaimed Bladedge.

"Wait, what was it that we were supposed to do again?" asked Avian. All the E-Heroes shrugged their shoulders.

"Me forget," said Wildheart.

"Somethin' about root beer?" asked Burstinitrix. Just then a heavy, thick stack of rejected alternate fuel station bills crashed through the window and hit Bubbleman in the head.

"Hehehe that was fun! Again! Again!" Bubbleman said, clapping his hands. "Ooh pretty papers!"

Neos flipped through the Harry Potter book-sized stack of paper. "Vetoed anti-oil bills. Wait! Now I remember! We were fighting the Republicans!"

"How you 'member that from stack of paper?" asked Wildheart.

"It's simple. Most every Republican has investments in big oil, and they hate the environment," said Neos.

"Those polluting bastards!"said Necroshade, emo as ever.

"Well, lets go ol' chaps, we must stop the the Republicans from turning our fair city into a right wing wasteland!" exclaimed Sparkman theatrically.

E-HEROES!

The Republicans were causing mass chaos and panic in Anime City. People were screaming, trying to get away from the cheap-suited army of white guys.

A few brave citizens of Anime City had taken up arms and started to fight the invaders. The sound of the clapping of hands and the transmutation of things were heard in various places, and cries of "Wind Scar", "Kage Bushin no Jutsu", "Kamehameha", "Super Fist of the Nose Hair", "Wind Tunnel", "Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu", "Raigeki Blast" and various other technique names were heard in the midst of the battle. And no battle that involves angry southern guys is complete without guns, which where heard on both sides of the battle.

The citizens of Anime City where actually doing pretty well, until the E-Heroes showed up. "No need to worry, brave citizens," Avian said heroically. "The Elemental Heroes are here to save you!"

"The E-Heroes? You guys'll probably make things worse!" shouted a man with long silver hair and dog ears who was wearing red feudal-style robes and wielding a huge-ass sword.

"I knew that it was only a matter of time before these clowns showed up," said a short young man with blonde braided hair, black clothes with a long red coat over them and white gloves.

"Brother, the Elemental Heroes may not be the greatest heroes there are, but at least they try. You shouldn't insult them for trying," said an empty 7-foot suit of armor wearing a loin cloth. The armor then saw Bubbleman trying to pick his nose with a running jackhammer. "I take that back, insult away."

"Now E-Heroes, attack!" Avian shouted heroically. Nobody moved. "I said E-Heroes attack!" Avian said angrily through his teeth. Still nobody moved. Neos started to play his DS, Necroshade continued to be emo again, Burstinitrix tried to set a Moogle on fire and Bubbleman continued to try and pick his nose with the jackhammer. "Why aren't we attacking?"

"Well, it seems like the situation is being taken care of," said Bladedge. It was true, all the citizens of Anime City were doing a good job pound the living crap out of the Republicans.

"Yeah I'm gonna head back to the tower to be emo," said Necroshade as he started back. Most all of the other E-Heroes started to walk back to the tower too.

Wait! Don't leave! What if the citizens need our help?!" screamed Avian. His colleagues didn't change direction. "Think of the readers!" still no change in direction. Avian thought for a moment. "Think of your paychecks!" That particular statement caught their attention. "If we don't at least try to save the city we won't get paid and we'll have to go back to being Yu-Gi-Oh! cards again!" The E-Heroes started to walk back towards where Avian was standing. "C'mon! Lets try to save the city...for our bank accounts!"

"For our bank accounts!" shouted the rest of the E-Heroes, except Bubbleman, who said something involving pancakes.

E-HEROES!

"E-Heroes, Attack!" All the E-Heroes leaped into battle. Avian flew up into the air. "Quill Cascade!!!" thousands of sharp, pointy feathers flew out of Avian's wings and at some of the army of white guys, but they used their briefcases to deflect all the feathers. The off-course feathers punctured a cat-shaped hot air balloon, which flew off into the distance.

"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" the people in the balloon screamed as they disappeared and twinkled in the sky.

"Aw crap, not again," said Avian. When Avian wasn't looking, the evil politicians used their super power, their Power of Veto, to bury Avian under a literal mountain of paperwork. "Gahk!"

"Oh the legality!" shouted someone in the crowd that had gathered around the battle to see how bad the E-Heroes were going to screw up.

A little girl in the crowd came up to an annoyed Burstinitrix and said "Aren't you going to help your teammate?"

"Naa, let 'im suffer fer his sins," Burstinitrix replied.

While Avian was squirming under a steaming pile of vetoed bills, Clayman charged into the fray and started to ruthlessly beat the crap out of anything that was wearing a cheap suit.

But the Republicans retaliated by using their Power of Veto to stop Clayman's attack with a giant wall of red tape. Even Clayman's Neanderthal-like strength couldn't get through.

"Not red tape!" shouted someone in the crowd. "Nobody can ever get through the red tape in the legal system!"

"Clayman!"shouted Burstinitrix. She was very protective of Clayman, since most everyone else who she came in contact with was scared of her when she was mad, which was basically all the time, and they all ran away. Clayman was the only person who wasn't scared of her or her fire(he's made of freaking clay, I don't think he can be burned)

During Burstinitrix's touching remembrance, the Republicans started to beat up on Clayman. That made Burstinitrix really mad. Fire started to burn in the seemingly always-on-her-period Elemental Hero's eyes. Her fire was hot enough to melt any man-made thing ever created, even Michael Jackson's face. She was pissed, unimaginably pissed. "Alright you f— heads," she screamed. "I'm gonna cremate all of you!!!"

Burstinitrix started to make a massive, and I mean **_MASSIVE_** fireball. The Republicans started to pee themselves. Burtsinitrix then hurled the gigantic fireball at the army of politicians...and missed. The off course mass of flames then collided with a large spaceship with the word "Bebop" painted on the side. Three smaller ships quickly evacuated the falling ship.

"Oh dammit I knew I shoulda gotten that Lasik surgery!" the even more enraged E-Hero cursed. The spaceship crashed where the Republicans where standing and burst into pretty flames. Al the Republicans died, but strangely enough, the crowd was perfectly safe.

"Oooh pretty colors," said Bubbleman.

"Is it over?" asked Bladedge.

"No, Elemental Heroes , it ain't over!" said a southern voice.

"Who the devil said that?" said Sparkman.

"It is I!" the wreckage of the newly-homeless bounty hunters' ship rattled and then burst outwards, revealing the E-Heroes' final foe:"George Dubba Bush!"

"Gasp!" said several members of the crowd.

"Bush! I should have known you where behind this" exclaimed Neos.

"Okay E-Heroes, this is the final battle. We must stop this hick, of the city is doomed to a life of conservatism!" Avian said. No answer. "And we won't get paid!"

"Yeah!" exclaimed the rest of the E-Heroes.

E-HEROES!

Bladedge stood in front of Bush. He lunged at the American president, all the sharp and pointy objects in his armor extended. Bladedge sliced at Bush, but Bush sidestepped, Bladedge missed, and fell down, cutting himself badly all over his body.

"Geez, Bladedge cuts himself more than Necroshade," said Burstinitrix.

"Yeah, he more emo than you,"Wildheart said to Necroshade. Upon hearing this, Necroshade became very angry. And not just emo angry, regular person angry.

"Nobody's more emo than me! Not even the nerdy kid that writes this freakin' story is more emo that me!" Necroshade exclaimed with fire in his eyes. Necroshade charged at Bush in a fit of rage and emoness.

"Wait, does Necroshade even have any super powers?" asked Sparkman.

"Yeah, the power to be depressed for hours on end and spend hundreds of dollars at Hot Topic," said Neos.

"Me no think that counts," said Wildheart.

"Yeah he's boned," said Burstinitrix.

It was true, as soon as Necroshade got close enough to Bush, he got his ass kicked. Everyone knows that emo people can't fight.

"Two down," Bush said in his heavy southern accent. "And...uh...wait, how many of them are left?" Bush started to count the remaining E-Heroes on his fingers. All the E-Heroes, even Bubbleman, sweatdropped. "Lets see 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...yep, 7 to go." Bush isn't very smart.

"Wow, there's somebody that's actually dumber than Bubbleman," Burstinitrix said, glancing in the direction of her mentally challenged teammate, who had taken out the Bubble Blaster.

"Now you be careful with that Bubbleman," Sparkman said to Bubbleman, who seemed to be having fun with his very large firearm. (A/N: is it still called a firearm if it shoots water? Oh well back to the retardedness)

Bubbleman shot a very large bubble at Bush(Man this sounds stupid doesn't it?) Bush used his very special southern-blend Power of Veto to create another red tape barrier to deflect the large implement of water. The bubble sailed in the wrong direction and struck two teenage boys, one with black hair tied in a pigtail and Chinese style clothes, and the other with black hair, a bandanna and clothes that sort of looked like they where from a Legend of Zelda game, who where having a fight over basically nothing. The bandanna-clad then turned into a little black piglet, and pigtailed boy turned into a red haired girl. They both didn't look too happy.

"Sorry!" Avian shouted. "My colleague's retarded!"

"Dee dee dee!" Bubbleman said. Bubbleman was about to fire another bubble, but he was interrupted by a pig to the head. He fell over and hit the ground, the Bubble Blaster hit him in the head, knocking him out.

"Wow, these guys are droppin' like flies. I thought that this would be a harder fight than this," Bush said, scratching his head.

"Okay guys, we need a battle plan, because Bush is a harder opponent than we thought," said Avian.

"He's just a redneck who paid people to vote him into office, he shouldn't be this hard," said Neos.

"Hey, Bush isn't tough! You guys just suck!" shouted some random guy in the crowd.

"No need for alarm, brave citizen, we have the situation under control!" Avian replied, completely ignoring the truth the random guy had just said.

"Let's see how this bloke handles the Spark Blaster!" said Sparkman as he pulled out his favorite weapon.

"Ooooh, pretty shiny!" said Bush.

"It has three shots, and if you get hit with one of them, you instantly revert to the fetal position and continually think about cupcakes!" explained Sparkman. (A/N: the fetal position is the closest thing I could think of in the real world that could compare to Defense Mode in Yu-Gi-Oh, and the cupcakes came from my friend, who likes the word cupcake.)

Sparkman shot all three blasts at Bush. Bush dodged the first one, which struck a random fuzzy animal, and blocked the other two with a clipboard. The deflected shots struck Avian and Sparkman, who promptly went to the fetal position.

"So...many...CUPCAKES!!!" exclaimed the newly mentally-troubled Elemental Heroes, sucking their thumbs and rocking back and forth.

"Oh no! The leader is down! What will we ever do?!" Burstinitrix said sarcastically.

"Take out on Bush?" asked Wildheart.

"Yeah, that works. Attack!" Neos yelled as he rushed to attack the evil, moronic president.

"Wait, what Neos' power again?" asked Wildheart.

"He has the power to merge with the Neo-Spacians fer like 5 minutes, making him a super powrful nerd. But since there are no Neo-Spacians around, he's powerless," explained Burstinitrix, annoyed at her teammate's ignorance.

Just like Burstinitrix said, Neos was basically powerless. He proceeded to suffer the same fate as Necroshade, a swift and total ass-kicking.

"Now there's only uh...1...2..3...4...4. of them left!" Bush counted. "Yeee Haw! I'm gonna win this fight fair an' square! I couldn't even do that with the elections!"

"Not if I have to do with it!" said Wildheart as he drew the Cyclone Boomerang.

"Huh?" Bush said as he was doing the victory dance, but he was interrupted by a very large, almost Hiraikotsu-sized boomerang to the face. And just like any goo boomerang, it came back to its master, Wildheart.

"Heh, nice attack Tarzan, but I doubt you could do it again!" Bush retorted as he spat out a tooth. Wildheart, who being raised in a jungle was about as smart as a coconut, didn't know he was being taunted, and threw his boomerang at Bush again. Bush ducked low and the boomerang came at Wildheart and struck him in the...uh...private area and he fell over, crying in pain.

"Burstinitrix, are we gonna loose?" Clayman asked in his child-like innocence.

"Yeah, we were boned from the start," Burstinitrix replied. As soon as she said that, Bush ran off to destroy the city with an army of oil rig robots.

Meanwhile, a figure was sitting a room in another part of town, watching the destruction on a giant-screen television. The figure was commissioner Komui Li.

"Brother, the Elemental Heroes have lost!" Komui's sister Linali exclaimed.

"No surprise there," sighed Komui. "I can't stand to watch this anymore, call in the Destiny Heroes!" Linali dialed "D" on the phone for the Destiny Heroes, who came ten times faster than the Elemental Heroes have ever shown up. "Destiny Heroes, I need you to fix another E-Hero caused disaster," Komui ordered.

"Heh, that's what we live for!" said Captain Tenacious. With that, they disappeared in their dark awesomeness.

D-HEROES!

The Elemental Heroes, who where all sitting on the street corner watching the Destiny Heroes beat the southern stuffing out of George W. Bush and his oil robots, except for Avian and Sparkman, who were still in the fetal position. They all looked ashamed, even Bubbleman.

Komui, along with Linali, the bounty hunters of the Bebop, everyone who was originally fighting the Republicans, the two form-shifting boys, all of the townspeople and every other person who the Elemental Heroes have ever cause trouble to(and there's a lot of them) had gathered around them, not looking very happy.

"Does this mean we're fired?" Bladedge asked.

END

Huzzah! The second chapter is done! Finally, my imagination can have a slight break. I really hope that this wasn't too long of a chapter, because I just complained about a long chapter, and I really don't want to add "hypocrite" to the long list of names I have been called.

Please everyone review, because I really need positive feedback to fix my mistakes(not about length though. I'm already aware of that) or make it funnier if it need be. And, another important reason to update is to tell me if you want me to continue the story. Yes, the sad truth is that I was planning to end this story after this chapter, but seeing the success(at least I think it was success)of my last chapter I am rethinking it. So tell me if you would like to see this "literary masterpiece" of mine continued, and hopefully supply me with new ideas, because my imagination tanks are bone dry and the only other remotely good idea I have for this story was supplied by one of my reviewers(who will remain nameless just in case) and that is having Wildheart be a business man and Necroshade be a happy go lucky go getter(what ever the hell that means) So the moral of this rant is this: REVIEW!

P.S.: If any of you would like to see a story called The Real Destiny Heroes, write it yourself because I'm too busy to. Fullmetal Shinobi out.


	3. Fusion

Disclaimer: I do not and will never own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or any anime or manga(unless by a twist of fate I can create one of my own that doesn't suck)and I will now cry out my anxieties of being poor by writing this complication of crappy ideas.

The Real Elemental Heroes

Chapter 3: Fusion

By Fullmetal Shinobi

A/N: My God I never thought I would get this far in this story. I had a real hard time coming up with ideas for the third chapter, but once I did I got the entire chapter done in half a school day. But since I got it done so quickly(not counting the two-week down time)it might not be as good as my other chapters so bear with me and review to make it all better.

Oh, and speaking of reviews, the inevitable happened: somebody flamed my story. Gasp! No, no gasp, I really didn't care, I can use it to boil ramen water, but I couldn't flame this "Nick" guy(hopefully not the same Nick that is one of my friend's conscience) back because my computer for some odd reason won't let me do anything of importance on the internet outside of HTML mode, so I will flame him back right here, right now so everyone can see what I am like when I am mad. Here goes: YOU IDIOT 4KIDS RUINED YU-GI-OH! GX SO MUCH THAT I COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE RUINED ANY MORE! AND REPUBLICANS SUCK! TAKE THAT, BIATCH! AND I ALREADY KNEW THAT MY STORY SUCKED SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUB IT IN ANYMORE!!!!! There that felt good on with the third chapter!

TV Announcer Guy: Oh no! I've just received word that The Real Elemental Heroes has been canceled! Shock and awe! But the positive feedback(not all of it's good anymore)has made it like Star Trek, Family Guy, Gundam and very few other quality entertainment implements and brought it back to life! Sigh of relief! So now the Elemental Heroes are off on another one of their numerous misadventures involving the Republican Party, who continue to outsmart the idiot band of superzeroes every time they fight each other. Buckle up kids, it's story time!

In Anime City, in a building shaped like a giant H, The Elemental Heroes had some visitors: the Neo-Spacians, who had just returned from their month-long trip.

"So where did you guys go again?" Burstinitrix asked the three Neo-Spacians.

"Eat n Park," Aqua Dolphin replied.

"You mean the one down the street?" asked Neos.

"Yep," said Flare Scarab.

"But why did it take you a month to go out to eat?" asked Avian.

"Have you been to that place before? It took us 3 weeks to get parked, and another week to get a table!" exclaimed Aqua Dolphin.

"That place is packed," said Dark Panther.

Just then, the casual conversation between the different bands of superheroes was interrupted by a video message from Commissioner Komui Li, who, oddly enough, was awake. "Elemental Heroes, I have an impor...wait...who the hell are those guys? There even weirder looking than you are most of the time!" Komui said as he interrupted himself by asked who the Neo-Spacians where. Every "hero" in the room took insult to the "weird" statement, but then again, most every superhero looked weird, especially if you're a humanoid dolphin, bug or panther-like thingy wearing Spandex.

"These three are the Neo-Spacians Commissioner. They are from outer space like Neos, and their ability to fuse with him is the only reason why you let Neos stay on the team," explained Sparkman.

"Ah yes, now I remember. Well, the more heroes, the less chance there will be a horrible catastrophe," Komui said. "Now, as I was trying to say before, I have an important mission for all of you. President Bush went psycho after the Republicans lost their power over Congress, and now he's rampaging in the city again."

"So? He got his ass kicked the last time he was here, so why should we worry?" asked Burstinitrix.

"Yeah, by the Destiny Heroes," Neos corrected her. She got mad, once again, and scorched his face.

"But this time's different," Komui said. "Bush has accompanied himself with the three other members of the Republican Big Four."

"Big Four?" asked Clayman.

"Yes, the four most powerful members of the Republican Party, both politically and in combat strength," Komui said. "The Big Four is consisted of Condoleeza Rice, Dick Cheney, President Bush and Cletus, the White House janitor."

"Sound like a spoof of Bobobo-bo-bo-bobo," said Neos with his knowledge of everything nerdy.

"Bush is a big fan of that particular show. It's stupid and random, just like him," said Komui.(A/N: I'm not trying to insult Bobobo or it's fans, cause I'm one of them, but it is a stupid and random show so please don't take insult to that statement)

"The Republican Party couldn't come up with an original idea to save their lives," said Necroshade, still emo.

"That may be, but they are still very dangerous, and I need you all to at least try to stop them before I get fed up and try to locate the Destiny Heroes again," said Komui.

"Sure ol' chap, but I just have one more question: Why the devel do the Republicans have a janitor on their team?" asked Sparkman.

"The same reason why we have a fish in Spandex on our team," said Burstinitrix insultingly.

"I told you, I'm not I fish I'm a DOLPHIN! DOLPHINS ARE MAMMALS!!!" exclaimed Aqua Dolphin.

"No, Southerners make lots of big messes at their political conventions/redneck gatherings, so Cletus got strong from having to clean up so many messes, and he got political power because without him, the messes would never get cleaned and the Republicans would probably look the way they act half the time," said Komui.

"No need to worry chief, we have the power of Contact Fusion on our team!" exclaimed Neos as he and the Neo-Spacians struck dramatic poses.

"We'll see about that, now get a move on before the city is destroyed even further!" Komui said, trying to rush the E-Heroes and the Neo-Spacians.

"Now, E-Heroes..." Avian started, but was interrupted by angry stares from the Neo-Spacians "..and Neo-Spacians, Move Out!"

E-HEROES!!!

The Elemental Heroes and Neo-Spacians trekked through the recently ruined city, searching out for any Republicans. They, like normally, where hopelessly lost and had no chance of finding their way out of the labyrinth of destroyed buildings.

"Where the hell are we?" Bladedge asked nobody in particular.

"I have absolutely no idea," said Avian, holding a map of the city upside down. "Everything looks the same now."

"No it doesn't you just have the directional sense of a brain dead walrus!" exclaimed Burstinitrix as she smacked Avian in the face with a stop sign. But what Avian said was true, the section of Anime City that they were in was a never-ending maze of pain, destruction and death. Just like my bedroom. Burstinitrix just wanted a reason to beat on Avian.

"This is f—ing ridiculous, who the hell gets lost in their own neighborhood?!?" screamed Burstinitrix in rage.

"Bubbleman," said Wildheart.

"He doesn't count because he has the brain capacity of a dried-up cumquat," said Sparkman.

"OREOS!!!!" shouted Bubbleman at the top of his lungs, just proving what Sparkman said about him. All the E-Heroes broke out into a fight after the "special" E-Hero screamed the name of a brand-name cookie. Clayman started to cry again and the Neo-Spacians just sighed and sweatdropped.

"Earthlings are so violent," said Flare Scarab.

"And they fight for such stupid reasons. Nobody in Neo-Space would ever start a fight over cupcakes like they did this morning," said Aqua Dolphin, pointing at the E-Heroes.

"So you've decided to show your faces after the humiliation that you suffered when you met our leader last, Elemental Heroes," a female voice said.

"Who say that?" asked Wildheart.

"Burstinitrix, I'm scared," Clayman said. Upon hearing this, Burstinitix instantly lost her temper and went to comfort the mentally-undeveloped E-Hero.

The sky went dark as a figure descended from a ruined skyscraper. "I am the American Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice!!!" the figure came into the light, revealing that it was an aging African-American woman wearing skin-tight, revealing clothing. It was a terrifying sight. Avian, upon seeing this, swore off porno forever(well, maybe until next week)

"Blimey! It's one of the Big Four!" exclaimed Sparkman.

"Duh, they're the only people who are attacking us this time," said Necroshade,

"Now, Elemental Heroes, prepare to suffer the wrath of a Republican Party higher-up who's minions just lost the election and who has just lost her mind!!!" Condoleeza shouted as her hands glowed red from her super-strong Power of Veto. She shot energy blasts at the Elemental Heroes. Normally, the E-Heroes would be able to dodge an attack like that, but they had started to fight again while Condoleeza Rice was talking and they were distracted with the urge to gouge out their teammates' eyeballs. The dysfunctional band of heroes was struck by the attack, instantly frying them to a southern crispiness. The Neo-Spacians, oddly enough, where unharmed.

"Wow, the rumors are true, the Big Four are really super-powerful," said Avian, dusting the ash off of himself. "To be able to strike us with an attack before we could even see it takes real skill."

"You idiot even Bubbleman could've dodged that!" shouted Flare Scarab. "You where too busy fighting to notice it!"

"But still, just in case that these guys are really insanely strong and the E-Heroes aren't just total morons, we should institute Contact Fusion with Neos," said Dark Panther.

"Neos, it's time!" shouted Aqua Dolphin as he jumped into the air.

"Right!" said Neos as he did the same. There was a flash of light, and out of that flash, a new E-Hero appeared.

"Elemental Hero Aqua Neos!" exclaimed the new E-Hero. He looked like a taller version of Aqua Dolphin and spoke in a combination of Neos' and Aqua Dolphin's voices. "Now, ATTACK!!!" Aqua Neos leaped at Condoleeza Rice and started to exchange a series of blows with the Secretary of State. After 10 minutes of burst mode, Aqua Neos finally landed a clean blow to Condoleeza's jaw and knocked her to the ground.

"Damn, he's strong! Way stronger than any of those other E-Hero clowns could ever hope to be!" Condoleeza said as she wiped the blood from the side of her mouth.

"Now, time for the finishing move!" exclaimed Aqua Neos as he launched himself at the aging Secretary. But, as fate would have it, because the E-Heroes were actually winning a fight for once in their lives, Neos and Aqua Dolphin split and flew to either side of Condoleeza Rice, crashing into separate piles of rubble and knocking themselves out.

"Hey, what happened? Why'd they just split apart like that?" asked Bladedge.

"Contact Fusion only works for a limited time, only about 10 or 15 minutes before Neos and the Neo-Spacian that he fused with split apart and become separate beings again," explained Flare Scarab.

"Yeah, and now we can't fuse again because Einstein over there knocked himself out," Dark Panther said, pointing with his elbow to the unconscious Neos(Panthers don't exactly have fingers)

"Wait! That technique of Neos' reminded me that we E-Heroes can fuse together too!" exclaimed Avian, having a very rare moment of genius.

"Oh God, just when I was beginning to forget!" Burstinitrix shouted in pain as she remembered the fiasco that ensued when the Elemental Heroes lasted used fusion.

"Well, it may have resulted in disaster last time, but need to fuse to beat her!" exclaimed Sparkman.

Reluctantly, the other E-Heroes agreed. Every Elemental Hero shouted "Polymerization!" and where engulfed in a beam of bright light that blinded everyone and everything in sight. When the light dissipated, Shining Flare Wingman, Mudballman, and Necroid Shaman appeared. Bladedge refused to fuse.

"Okay E-Hero fusions, and Bladedge, ATTACK!!!" Flare Wingman shouted in a very strange, and obviously very creepy, mix of Avian's, Burstinitix's and Sparkman's voices.

"Hehehehehe! Funny sounds come out of hole in your face!" Mudballman said. This made Flare Wingman mad.

"Speak for yourself you giant wad of dung!" he said angrily.

"God me hate puns," said Necroid Shaman. "Sigh, me hate world, me hate self, me hate my voice, me hate inability to talk normal."

"This is why I don't do fusion anymore," sighed Bladedge.

"You want to fight about it bandage boy?!?" shouted Shining Flare Wingman as he lunged at Bladedge. All the E-Heroes, once again, began to fight.

See, this is the true horror of the Elemental Hero Fusion Technique. Not only are the powers of the E-Heroes mixed and amplified, but their personalities are too. So, even though the fusion created three super-powerful fighters, it created an angry British pervert, an emo jungleman, and a retard with the mind of a 4-year-old. Everyone sweatdropped as the E-Hero fusions and Bladedge fought, even Condoleeza Rice, which is weird because she's a real-life American politician.

The fighting not-so-superheroes continued to try to enduce pain to anyone but their real enemy. Little did they know that they where moving in the process. The angry cloud of irritated freaks then collided with a very large ruined skyscraper. The collision caused the building to loose whatever structural integrity that it had left and collapsed in the direction of Condoleeze Rice. She tried to run, but it didn't work and she was buried under thousands of tons of steel and concrete. She didn't die though, she was just knocked unconscious, eyes swirling and everything.

"Hehehehehe funny swirls!" Mudballman said. After that, all the E-Heroes defused, not risking any further property damage and not risking their jobs.

"E-Heroes, we have triumphantly defeated the first of the Republican Big Four!" exclaimed Avian heroically.

"Triumphantly my ass she got crushed under a skyscraper!" exclaimed Burstinitrix as she beat Avian with a girder, still mad that she was fused with Avian and Sparkman for the last part of the story.

"After that display of idiocy, I say you guys should never, EVER use that technique again and leave the fusing to the professionals, like us," said Dark Panther. All the E-Heroes agreed on that, except Bubbleman who said something about rubber ducks.

"Now E-Heroes and Neo-Spacians, let us unearth Neos and Aqua Dolphin so we can continue our journey to defeat the Republicans once and for all!" Avian said. Everyone pulled a shovel out of nowhere and began to dig.

Far underground Anime City, the remaining three members of the Republican Big Four where plotting their next move.

"Blast! I can't believe that the actually defeated Condoleeza!" said Dick Cheney scratching his bald head.

"Well, it figers. She was a girl after all," said Bush, being sexist.

"Don't worry, they won't get past me and my master marksman skills!" said Dick Cheney as he whipped out a pistol, which then fired and shot through Cletus' janitor's hat.

"I wouldn't count on it," said Cletus, mopping up another moonshine spill.

"Oh shut up you smelly old custodian," said Dick Cheney as he teleported to the battlefield.

"Yes, soon the Elemental Heroes will suffer the same humiliation that the Republicans did both at the polls and in their city!" shouted President Bush as he spilled another bottle of moonshine.

"Sigh, the duties of a janitor are never fulfilled, especially if you work for a bunch of southern cowboys," Cletus said as he mopped up Bush's mess.

END

A/N: Yeah, this chapter probably wasn't as good as my other ones, but it isn't my fault because I was strapped for ideas in the beginning. As you may have noticed, this chapter is the start of a new storyline that will actually take about 2-3 chapters to end. I thank all of my reviews, especially the ones who gave me ideas of putting in the Neo-Spacians, the E-Hero fusions, and the foundation for the Big Four. Feels good to be thanked doesn't it? Well the good feelings can continue if you continue to review to make me feel good(or possibly bad depending on what you type)and help me fix the story so it doesn't suck as bad and can actually begin to look like an actual story instead of a pile of crap held together with duct tape and staples.

Next time on The Real Elemental Heroes: The Elemental Heroes and Neo-Spacians face off against Dick Cheney, the man who says he is a master marksman but really couldn't hit the broad side of a bus if he wanted to! There'll be action, laughter(hopefully) and thousands of missed shots! It's all coming to you in the next few weeks so keep you eyes peeled for new posts! But not literally or you'll end up looking like my pot-smoking cat!

Fullmetal Shinobi out.


	4. Bubbleman Saves the Day!

Disclaimer: Sigh, must we go over this every time? I'm poor and I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

The Real Elemental Heroes

Chapter 4: Bubbleman Saves the Day!

By Fullmetal Shinobi

A/N: God, it's the 4th chapter already? This is truely the farthest I have ever gotten in anything I've written. Ever. And I know I haven't updated in about a month, but I was working on my other story(A Demon's Sins, it's in Anime Crossovers if you decide to check it out) but since it's not doing too well, I decided to update my "good" story to keep people happy, unless you're that Nick guy. Oh, and by the way Nick, I have a question for you: If you don't listen to people who type in caps, how do you read a newspaper or a magazine title? And I also have a warning for those of you who may have any scraps of your sanity left after you have read my story: This chapter contains extreme retardedness so reader disgression is advised.

TV Announcer Guy: It was a fusion free-for-all last time on The Real Elemental Heroes, giving birth to the world's first 500 pound autistic retard made of mud! Egad! And the E-Heroes actually defeated someone on their own for once!(Well, with the help of a collapsed building but you get my idea) Good golly! The world must be coming to an end! But all Armageddon theories aside, the Elemental Heroes now prepare to face off against the worlds best(pft, yeah right) marksman, Dick Cheney! The anticipation is going to make me pee myself! On with the story!

As we join our so-called heroes, everyone is sitting around a vacant lot, taking a break from walking so much, and watching Bubbleman dance to the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song.

"God, he's been at it for an hour. Does he ever quit?" Aqua Dolphin asked out of curiosity and slight annoyance.

"This is nothing, you should've seen him when Neos played the Numa Numa Song," said Bladedge.

"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!" Bubbleman shouted at the top of his lungs.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Burstinitrix yelled as she beat Bubbleman over the head with a traffic light.

Just then a gunshot was heard, and a bullet whizzed past Burstinitrix's head, ricocheted off of a nearby wall, and hit Clayman. It didn't hurt him, but it did startle him and make him cry.

"Wahhhh! Something hit me Burstinitrix!" Clayman wailed.

"Damnation! That was supposed to hit the angry girl!" a shadowy figure on top of a building said.

"You! You're the one who shot Clayman! Die!" Burstinitrix yelled as she hurled a small yellow bus at the mystery gunman.

"Well this isn't going to end well!" the shadowy figure said as he was struck by the short bus, and fell 15 stories to his doom.

"Hot damn! She's strong when she's mad!" Flare Scarab exclaimed when he saw Burstinitrix's feat of rage-powered strength. Aqua Dolphin's eye twitched, Dark Panther looked like he was going to pee himself.

"And since she's mad basically all the time, we all stay as far away as possible from her," Avian said to the Neo-Spacians.

"Grr...I wasn't expecting her to do _that_!" the marksman said as he uncovered himself from all the rubble he was buried under.

"Gasp! To survive a fall like that he must be one of the Big Four!" Sparkman exclaimed.

"Right you are, Elemental Hero. I am the Vice President of the United States of America, the world's best marksman, the man behind the scenes of the idiot President, Dick Cheney!" Cheney said as he whipped out his two, old western-movie pistols and did fancy tricks with them, accidentally firing them three times, killing two birds and injuring a hobo.

"Hey, aren't you that guy who shot his hunting partner?" Neos questioned with his all-powerful knowledge of current events.

"Well, yes, but that was an accident!" Cheney tried to explain.

"Attempted murderer!" Bladgedge yelled out.

"Murder?! Can I have the blood?" Necroshade said, letting his gothiness get the better of him.

"Grrrr...SHUT YOUR MOUTHS!" Cheney shouted as he started to fire at the E-Heroes. Bullets whizzed through the air, glass shattered everywhere, and the sound of gunfire drowned out all noise. In the end, after Cheney had fired 572 shots, he had hit everything but the E-Heroes or the Neo-Spacians. Bullet casings, broken glass, and the occasional dead pigeon where scattered about in the vacant lot that everyone was occupying at the moment.

"Wow he bad shot," Wildheart said, getting his first line of the chapter in.

"Are you done yet? My ears are killing me!" Avian said.

"WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER?!?" Burstinitrix screamed with all the intensity of a pissed off drunken Irishman. Unfortunately, even though Cheney didn't hit any of the E-Heroes, all the gunfire had rendered them all temporarily deaf, so none of them could fully understand a word the other said. This, once again, gave the E-Heroes an excuse to fight amongst each other, which they of course did.

Dick Cheney looked upon the cloud of fighting and hearing-impaired E-Heroes, and saw an opportunity. "Ha! With all of them in one spot, even with my terrible marksman skills, I'll be sure to hit one of them!" he said to himself as he started to fire at the fighting cloud of E-Heroes until he ran out of ammo. And he had brought a lot of ammo. Unfortunately for him, he still missed every shot. "God dammit!" Cheney cursed as he threw one of his pistols at the E-Heroes, and surprisingly hit something.

"Ah! My eye!" Avian yelled as Cheney's pistol struck him in the face, which stopped the fight. "Hey you! You ruined my naturally good looks you bastard!"

"This coming from a bloke who wears a skintight stomach-less green jumpsuit," Sparkman retorted sarcastically.

"Hey! Like you dress any better you tea sippin' pansy!" Avian shouted at the British E-Hero, but before another fight could break out Cheney chucked his other gun at Avian's head, knocking him out.

"Ha ha! I've taken out your leader! Now you won't be able to fight properly and you'll lose! Hahahahaha!" the aging Vice President laughed, proud of his efforts.

"Who are you, Bubbleman? We fight a helluva lot better if Pigeon Crap over there isn't here to annoy us!" Burstinitrix replied, bursting(no pun intended) Cheney's bubble. "Now E-Heroes and you weird alien guys, attack!"

"We're the Neo-Spacians!" Aqua Dolphin replied, but didn't really want to risk a beating from Burstinitrix so he just let it go and attacked Cheney along with the all the E-Heroes, except Bubbleman, who was currently chasing a butterfly.

"Oh crap!"Cheney exclaimed as he reached at his side for his gun, but couldn't find it because he already threw both of them at Avian. "Not good!" Cheney ducked and covered himself with his arms in a feeble attempt to shield himself from the E-Heroes attacks.

But right before the onslaught of the Elemental Heroes began, Cheney did something that saved his ass: he farted. He was so scared that his bowels almost emptied and he flatulated. Soon after the terrible smell of an old man fart reached the dysfunctional band of heroes and stopped them almost literally dead in their tracks.

"Oh, Oh good God old man fart!" Burstinitrix screamed as she caught a whiff of the stench, gasping for breath.

"Blimey! That's the worst thing I've ever smelled, and I'm from England!" Sparkman exclaimed as the smell permeated his helmet and cracked the glass.

Yes, nobody was safe from the southern-brand flatus of the vice president. Bladedge struggled for freash air, flailing his arms around and slicing himself several times. He flopped to the ground, unconscious soon after, along with the rest of the E-Heroes.

The Neo-Spacians, on the other hand, took it much worse. In Neo Space, the need to pass pas was non-existent, their people having lost that need several millennia ago, so they were unaware of the terrors of Earthlings' bad habits. Aqua Dolphin flopped around like a fish out of water, gasping for breath, Flare Scarab scurried around, panicked like a cockroach exposed to the light, and Dark Panther's legs and tail went stiff as he fell over, knocked out.

Cheney stared at the chaos he caused out of his rear end. "Wow, not exactly how I expected their defeat to go, but who cares?! I won! I won!" Cheney exclaimed excitedly as he started to do a victory jig.

"Hey! That looks like fun! I wanna try!" a voice with a slight speech impediment said.

"Who said that?" Dick Cheney looked around, trying to find whom his fart didn't defeat. He looked behind him to see Bubbleman waving at him, stupid grin and all. "Oh dear lord I forgot the retard!"

"Hehehehe! Burstinitrix calls me the same thing!" Bubbleman said happily, clapping his hands.

"Well, this shouldn't take too long," Cheney said as he cracked his fingers and threw a punch at the special E-Hero. Bubbleman just skipped away laughing, and Cheney hit a wall. "Gah! That hurt you little rodent!"

"Weeeeeeee! Can't catch me!" Bubbleman shouted as he skipped whimsically around the vacant lot, Cheney chasing him as best as he could. This went on for 5 minutes before Cheney was exhausted and had to stop and try to catch his breath.

"Ohhhh! You no fun baldy guy!" Bubbleman said in disappointment. Then, as Bubbleman actually got a good look at Cheney he realized something: "Hey! You the bad guy!"

"Well of course I am you moronic twit!" The vice president yelled back at Bubbleman in between gasps for breath.

"I take offense to that!" the special E-Hero said as he began to fire bubbles at Cheney from the squirty thingy on his arm. The aging vice president was bombarded with high powered little water bursts. Now normally, this wouldn't hurt anyone, it would tickle them at best, but since Cheney was an old guy, and his body was becoming more fragile every day, this caused him great physical pain.

"Gah! Stop it! That hurts!" Cheney pleaded with Bubbleman as he continued to shoot bubbles at him.

"Duh! It's supposed to hurt you dummy!" Bubbleman said back to Cheney, still shooting bubbles at him until he ran out of ammo. "Uh-oh! Out of water!"

"Ha! Now that he is out of those silly bubbles, I'll have the perfect chance to strike him down!" Cheney said in a soliloquy as he snuck up on Bubbleman. But Bubbleman also had a trick up his sleve:

"Dance Dance Revolution!" he shouted as two DDR dance pads and a big screen TV appeared out of nowhere in front of the balding vice president and the retarded E-Hero.

"Ready, begin!" As soon as the first arrow appeared on screen, Bubbleman started to flop and stomp around like the idiot he was. Cheney, however, took it much slower and actually tried to play the game right. But as soon as he did his first step, he broke his hip and fell over, crying in pain. So even though Bubbleman had absolutely no clue what he was doing, he still did better than Cheney and won.

"Yay! Again! Again!" Bubbleman said jumping up and down and clapping his hands.

"No! Good God no more!" Cheney pleaded to Bubbleman, not being able to take any more of his craziness.

"Time for my final attack: IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!" Instantly, out of thin air appeared a boombox and The Dancing Banana.

"You ready to do this Bubbleman?" The Dancing Banana asked Bubbleman excitedly.

"You bet big funny yellow guy!" He replied as they both started to dance to the world's greatest song to annoy your parents with(The Llama Song got second place)

This was the final nail in Dick Cheney's possibly literal coffin. This mindless wiggling went on for 3 minutes before Cheney's ears started to bleed and he was knocked out from an overdose of stupidity and dancing produce. This went on for 2 hours after Cheney was defeated until the rest of the E-Heroes came to, Burstinitrix beat Bubbleman with another traffic light, Wildheart ate The Dancing Banana, and Necroshade tried to suck up the blood from Cheney's ears with a bendy straw.

End

A/N: I apologize for any insanity caused by Bubbleman's antics, The Dancing Banana or mindless DDR, or any fart joke in this chapter.

I'm sorry, but I just had to do this chapter. Bubbleman is probably my favorite character(next to Burstinitrix. That's why I give her so many lines) and I really like Bobobo-bo-bo-bobo-style craziness(I'm one of that show's only fans) so this chapter just came naturally. And for the fart joke, just blame Naruto for that. You all know what I'm talking about. Plus I just played a lt of DDR last week and I like the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song so that's where this chapter came from. So if you need to complain about my insane side getting loose and wrecking havoc up the fourth chapter, tell me in a review. And just a heads up, this will be the only chapter that I write that will be just totally insane like this one. Unless by some very odd twist of fate all of you actually liked it then I'll write another one, but the only way you can tell me is by reviewing so don't be shy and come on up and testify! Also, just to let everyone know, chapter 5 will probably be up before New Years because I have a lot of free time on my hands during Christmas break, and since my other story isn't doing so hot, I'm going to be writing stuff for this and maybe another one of my harebrained story ideas a lot more often so check by the site every day. I really mean it because I need to repent for not updating in so long.

Next Chapter: Bush returns with a vengeance so strong that not even Dick Cheney's fart could defeat it. And with the Neo-Spacians kidnaped, will the E-Heroes be able to defeat this foe like they couldn't last time? Read and find out.


	5. Bush's Ultimate Trap

Disclaimer: I'm not even gonna bother this time...

A/N: Holy crap this story is way more successful than I had ever imagined. Right now the story has more than 800 hits, and that's amazing, considering that The Real Elemental Heroes has absolutely no storyline whatsoever. God this story has more hits than my website... So, because the Winter-een-mas season still lives on in my heart and I've been reinstated with holiday spirt(or maybe I'm getting second-hand high from my cat who smokes weed) I'd like to thank all of my loyal reader, reviewers, flamers, and basically anyone else who has read my story and managed to keep their sanity this long. So enough with the happy crappy, on to the very long overdue fifth chapter!

TV Announcer Guy: Last time on the Real Elemental Heroes, well I'm not so sure how to explain it, I was all too crazy!!! Dick Cheney showed up and almost killed our beloved heroes with a sulfur surprise played out his butt tuba! But Bubbleman saved the day by having a dance marathon with the Dancing Banana! Oh what a day that was! But now the Elemental Heroes prepare to take on their oldest nemesis shown in this story, President George W. Bush! Will the E-Heroes be able to best Bush at his own game finally? Will the idiot president triumph over the rag-tag group of weirdos once again? Will I be able to make it to the restroom before all this excitement makes me wet myself? Find out now, on this heavily anticipated chapter of The Real Elemental Heroes!!!

Deep within the labyrinth of Anime City, the E-Heroes and the three Neo-Spacians were standing around in a circle, staring at a long-unconscious Dick Cheney. Avian had begun to poke him with a stick, Sparkman had tried to bring him too by shocking him, and Bubbleman was off in the corner mourning the loss of the Dancing Banana.

"Dude, I think Bubbleman killed him," Avian said as he started to poke Cheney in the eye with his stick, still getting not response.

"Nahhhh, there's no way that idiot over there could ever kill anyone, even if you let him run loose in the city during rush hour with a cup of coffee and a toothpick," Burstinitrix stated plainly, pointing to the mentally challenged E-Hero, crying over a giant banana peel.

"Me still think he dead," Wildheart said.

Suddenly, a large, sorcery-style array appeared beneath Cheney's unmoving form and began to glow, teleporting the possibly dead Vice President to somewhere presumably safer.

"Oooooooh, pretty," said Clayman out of nowhere.

"So E-Heroes, I see you managed to defeat two of my subordininaments, but I'm afraid that I'm much more stronger than both of them combined!" a familiar southern voice said, and all the E-Heroes turned to face their arch-nemesis, George W. Bush in the flesh, standing on top of an overturned car.

"Bush! I knew you'd show your face here eventually!" Avian said.

"I know I know, I would've been here sooner but the traffic was terrible!" Bush replied rather friendly, which caused all the E-Heroes to sweatdrop. "Anyway, I'd stay longer, but I gosta go deliver another radio address that one of them interns wrote me lying and saying that we can win the war in Iraq. But before I go, I figgered I'd take along some souvenirs."

Bush turned to reveal his so-called souvenirs: the three Neo-Spacians, tied up and barely conscious.

"Blimey! He's kidnaping the Neo-Spacians!" Sparkman exclaimed in shock.

"How? How could we not have noticed that those weirdos had gone missing?!?" Bladedge questioned no one in particular.

'Well duh, it's kinda obvious, because the author hasn't been including them in the story much lately," Burstinitrix explained to her all-too-cliched companions.

"You dirty Texan hick! You'll never get away with this!" Neos angrily shouted at Bush for hogtying and kidnaping his closest friends.

"Sorry to say E-Hero, but I already have! Wahahahahaha!!!" manically laughed Bush, trying to fake a Don Kan'nonji pose but somehow failing, making the E-Heroes sweatdrop once again. He continued to laugh until he leaned too far backward and fell off the car he was standing on, hitting his head off of a fire hydrant. "Oww, I hope nobody saw that," Bush said, slightly embarrassed.

"Yeah, we all kinda did," Avian said in response to the idiot President's comment.

"Well, it don't matter, cause I still got your little buddies right here ehehe!" Bush happily exclaimed as he began to do a Texas jig and then teleported himself and the Neo-Spacians away to the Republicans' hideout, leaving the E-Heroes angry and slightly annoyed by his actions.

"That fiend! He's holding the Neo-Spacians hostage! This cannot be allowed!" Sparkman said in his usual British demeanor.

"We must rescue them, because they're my best friends and without them I won't be able to perform Contact Fusion!" Neos proclaimed. "Also because I left my car keys with Aqua Dolphin."

"But how the hell are we gonna find do that? We don't even know where the Republicans' Secret Hideout is!" Burstinitrix added. "Didn't you dumbasses ever think of that?"

"Well, kinda, not really, no," where the E-Heroes' replies.

"We do now!" Bladedge said as he held up a very simple and crudely drawn map showing exactly where the Republicans' HQ was. "That moron Bush must've dropped in when he fell!"

"Good work Bladedge!" Avian said as he carefully removed the map from Bladedge's hands so he wouldn't damage it on the many sharp and pointy things on his armor. "Now that we have discovered the location of the Republicans' Secret Base, let's go and rescue the Neo-Spacians and finally defeat Bush, so we can finally get paid!" Avian heroically shouted.

"So we can finally get paid!" the other E-Heroes shouted, except, you guessed it, Bubbleman, who stated something about an alpaca.

E-HEROES!!!

Two hours had passed, and now the E-Heroes had finally arrived at the Republicans' Secret Hideout; a large building with the words "Republicans' Secret Hideout" spray painted and terribly misspelled on the front.

Even though it was only a three block walk from where the E-Heroes had actually found the map, the journey had taken two hours because the E-Heroes had been going the wrong way for a half hour because Avian had been holding the map upside-down, Burstinitrix had taken 15 minutes to beat the stuffing out of Avian for being so stupid, Bubbleman had made a new friend in the form of a tree and had a very long and engaging conversation with it, another45 minutes to actually get to the Republicans' Secret Hideout, and a few potty breaks thrown in there for good measure.

"Okay, it's been a long and perilous journey, but we've finally reached our destination," Avian said, sounding exhausted.

"Perilous my ass, we got lost!!!" Burstinitrix shot back at Avian. "And Bubbleboy over there wouldn't stop talking to that tree back there, so I had to cremate it so we could get moving again!"

"Why did you have to kill my bestest friend ! Wahhh you're so mean Burstinitrix!!!" Bubbleman wailed, clutching an urn containing the remains of the tree he had become so attached to lately.

"Bubbleman, it was an inanimate object, you really weren't making much progress," Necroshade explained to Bubbleman, who was still crying over the tree.

"But I say Oakey wave at me!" Bubbleman said.

"That was the wind," Bladedge said, still not getting very far with Bubbleman.

"But..." Bubbleman started, but was interrupted by a very angry Burstinitrix.

"IT WAS A F—ING TREE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!" she yelled. Every E-Hero was cowering in fear from this outburst. "Sigh, let's just go and in so I can beat the crap out of Bush so I don't have to take out my anger on you guys!" The E-Heroes eagerly agreed with this statement, not wanting to suffer yet another beating at the hands of the vengeful Burstinitrix.

E-HEROES!!!

The inside of the Republicans' Secret Hideout was strangely dark, and there wasn't enough light anywhere to see anything, not even your own colleague's hand slapping you in the face.

This didn't stop the E-Heroes, however. They where determined to rescue the Neo-Spacians, finally defeat Bush and remove the Republican Party from Anime City, because the Republicans where starting to get really annoying.

The E-Heroes moved around as best as the could in the inky blackness that surrounded them in the corridors of the Republicans' HQ, and that wasn't very well. Trust me, a drunken Irishman had a better chance of getting through the darkness than the bumbling band of superheroes did. As soon as they took their first step, chaos ensued. The E-Heroes began to trip over things, mostly each other, and within 5 seconds they where all face down on the floor in a giant pile.

Burstinitrix, who happened to get buried under every one of her teammates, got very mad and erupted. Literally. Flames spread out everywhere, knocking the rest of the E-Heroes off of her and making the whole corridor light up with all the intensity of Wal-Mart's fluorescent lighting.

Then it dawned on Burstinitrix: fire creates light. She quickly made a small fireball in the palm of her hand bright enough to light the way to wherever the hell they where going. It just goes to show you that even the smartest of E-Heroes can suffer from a case of second-hand stupidity.

After the E-Heroes recovered enough from their burns, they continued down the hallway aided by Burstinitrix's ingenious discovery until they reached a large room at the end. When they entered the room, they where greeted by a familiar yet unwanted face: Bush, standing under an overhead light, which strangely was the only light in the entire room.

"So Elemental Heroes, you've managed to find our secret hideout," Bush said upon the E-Heroes' arrival.

"Yeah, thanks to you. You dropped a map that led us right to it!" Avian replied triumphantly.

"So that's where my map went! I had a helluva time tryin' to get back here without it!" Bush exclaimed happily.

"Wait, you forgot where you lived?" Sparkman questioned the idiot president.

"Well duh! Why else would I be carryin' around a map like that?" Bush said, just making himself look like an even bigger moron. All the E-Heroes sweatdropped at this comment. "All directional issues aside, I'm afraid that you've fallen right into my trap, E-Heroes!" Bush said, instantaneously changing the mood of the conversation.

"Trap?!?" Bladedge exclaimed, following the usual superhero /anime cliches.

"Yes, a trap!" confirmed Bush. "And this trap is so great that you won't not stand a chance of survivin'! A trap know as..."

Bush clapped his hands twice, and all the lights turned on, revealing that they where all standing in an unfurnished and industrial looking room. The walls, floor and ceiling where plated with steel, and the room exerted and aura of uncertainty and dread that permeated into the very souls of our basket case heroes.

"...The Panic Room!"

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!!!!!

A/N: Okay, you have just finished reading the alternate ending of Chapter 5. Hopefully it was a lot better than the previous one, because for some reason I was suffering from a strange case of writer's block because of the whole Dubya's Playhouse thing. Plus the story was looking more and more like a political satire that just happened to have the E-Heroes in it and less like a fanfiction. So from now on(or maybe at the end of the next chapter) I will not use this story as an outlet of my growing hate of the ignorance of the Republican Party, and it will become the random and nonsensical complication of idiocy that I wanted it to be in the first place! Yay!

Also, on the grounds of the amazingly long overdue sixth chapter, it's hopefully gonna be written _and _posted(Gasp!) By the end of next week, because by then hopefully most of everything I've had to deal with in school will be over and I'll have more time to myself, my stories, and Guitar Hero, so fret not, weary readers, your salvation of knowing what's going to happen next is coming!(Now that I have redone the chapter, maybe I'll get more reviews...)

TV Announcer Guy: The true horror of Bush's Ultimate Trap: aptly named "The Panic Room" will be reveled in the next chapter of The Real Elemental Heroes! By the looks of it, Bush has put a lot of work into his villainous plot, and unfortunately the E-Heroes have fallen right into it! Will Bush get his revenge on everyone's favorite dysfunctional band of crime fighters? Will the E-Heroes prevail over the leader of the most powerful nation on the planet against all odds? Will the romance between Burstinitrix and Avian blossom into true love? (Burstinitrix: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?) Ah don't hurt me! I was just trying to lighten the mood! Anyway, all questions will be answered...(Bubbleman: Does this mean I'll finally find out where babies come from?) No, Bubbleman, I meant all the questions I just said, except for that last one, will be answered. (Bubbleman: Ohh...) Anyway, don't miss the next exciting chapter of The Real Elemental Heroes!!!!!


	6. I Blame The French!

Disclaimer: This is not a real chapter. This is an apology for my not updating in like 6 months. If you thought this was a real update, get your hopes back down and get on with your miserable lives.

Oh God I feel horrible. I haven't updated, let alone been on this site, for like half a year. But I have a legitimate explanation for my absence, so please put the pitchforks down and hear me out. Even since I last updated, things have kinda gotten away from me. I started to write my next chapter, but then school let out and I kinda lost it in the mayhem and ecstasy of Summer Break. Then I had to go to Upward Bound(if you've never heard of it then thank sweet merciful whoever it is you worship that you haven't cause it's a hellish experience that no one should ever go through) for a damn month, so I didn't have time to write anything aside from a report or two then. After that I took a 3-week break of gaming and such(still no urge to write), then band camp, then another week-long break, then even more band practices. And on top of that I've got family issues, chores and an unhousebroken dog to deal with, plus my current addictions to Guitar Hero, Pokemon and Gaia Online have kept me away from the pen and paper from a while. But I promise that I will update this miserable pile of crap I call a story by the end of September!

please note that any promise made by Fullmetal Shinobi is not 100 guaranteed and is not applicable in the states of Alaska and Hawaii, nor Canada, because Canada is stupid. Void where prohibited; restrictions apply results may vary.


	7. DDay

Disclaimer: I own nothing aside from my Xbox, which probably owns me by now...

The Real Elemental Heroes

Chapter 6: D-Day

By Lazy Bastard(Fullmetal Shinobi)

A/N:...I've failed you all. I kept trying to write this damn chapter, but every time I'd start I'd either get a horrible case of writer's block, I'd lose track of where I put the rough draft, or more commonly, a new game for my Xbox 360 would come out. On top of this my school work has really been dragging me down lately, especially because I had to start my graduation project a freaking _year early_ in 10th grade because I'm in advanced English(I really shouldn't have applied myself in my early years...). Plus, I'm obscenely lazy, and that definitely doesn't help my case any. So, after a god-awfully long waiting period, I reward those few fans that stayed with the story, and the few new ones I've picked up, with the sixth chapter/new story arc of The Elemental Heroes! Like anyone cares...

TV Announcer Guy:(TV Announcer Guy is currently bound and gagged, and stuffed in the studio's closet. Bush is standing at his mic, with a poorly-scribed recap held upside-down in his hands)Howdy Y'all! This here's George Dubya Bush, and I'm-a gonna tell y'all what dun happened in the last chapter. Y'know, since it's been so damn long since the author updated. I had cleverly tricked the Elemental Heroes into coming to my lair, and now they're-a gonna fell the wrath of my Panic Room! Finally, after like a year of waiting, I can exact my revenge on the E-Heroes fer what they dun to me in Chapter 2! YEEEEE HAWWWW! This is the best thing I've done in my presidency...

"The Panic Room?" Avian asked in confusion.

"Yes, E-Hero, it's called the Panic Room, fer the 500th frickin' time..." Bush said, annoyed at the extremely long lag between chapters.

"So, it's got a somewhat-intimidating name, what the hell does this "Ultimate Trap" do anyway?" Burstinitrix asked sarcastically.

"I wuz wonderin' how long it'd take fer y'all to ask that," Bush began. "My Panic Room excretes pure, unaltered, 100 cage-free fear from its walls; creating a horrible sense of terror in all who are caught within its grasp!"

"Pure fear, how'd you get a hold of pure fear?" Bladedge asked.

"And more importantly, how can I get some?" Burstinitrix inquired.

"Simple, I just had the IRS collect some around taxtime," Bush explained, proving the myths that the IRS is the most evil agency in the world.

"Blimey!" Sparkman gasped in his usual British tone. "It must've cost a bloody fortune to build this jolly-good show!"

"Yup, sure did!" Bush exclaimed happily, for some odd reason. "It wuz worth all 20 million of the taxpayers' dollars!"

"No wonder the U.S. has a deficit the size of Texas..." Necroshade said in disgust.

"Silence! Compared to Iraq this wuz a bargain!" Bush yelled in defense(kinda). "Now, fer your insolence and my humiliation at the hands of y'all, TREMBLE IN FEAR FROM THE MIGHT OF MY PANIC ROOM!!!!"

The moronic president pulled a large remote with one red button out of his back pocket, and proceeded to press that red button. Upon this pressing, several vents along the ceiling of the Panic Room opened up and emitted a strange fog that slowly trickled to the ground.

"Ooooooh, pretty!" Bubbleman said.

"Heh, it won't be pretty fer long, just take a look and see!" Bush exclaimed. Soon after, the gas had reached the E-Heroes' height, and as soon as they took one whiff of the stuff, something happened in their already-traumatized brains. All of a sudden, every one of the E-Heroes' emotions; from Burstinitrix's raging anger to Bubbleman's perpetual happiness where replaced with pure terror. Fear filled their heads faster than hot air filled a Congress meeting.

"GAHHHH! IT'S HORRIBLE!" Neos screamed in agony as he dropped to his knees.

"All my life I've been inflicting terror in my colleagues..." Burstinitrix started. "THIS IS SUCH A CRUEL IRONY!!!!"

"Mommy...please make it stop..." Clayman uttered sheepishly as he entered the fetal position.

"Meh, I've seen worse," Necroshade scoffed as leaned back against one of the steely walls of the Panic Room.

"Wait, why aren't you affected by this stuff?" Avian managed to ask between sobs or fear.

"The surgeon general dun said somethin' 'bout my IQ bein' too low," Bush pondered. "But, it don't matter, 'cause I'm immune and yer not! Now, it's time to end this..."

The soon-to-be-lame duck president pressed the shiny red button on his remote again, which caused the vents to release even larger amounts of fear gas.

"This here's enough pure terror to knock out my ol' pal Cheney, so you'll probably be dead in like a minute or so. See y'all in hell E-Heroes! YEEEE HAW!" Bush began to do a Texas-style jig in the middle of the Panic Room floor. All the never-mighty E-Heroes could do was watch and wait for an untimely death by a fear-related heart attack.

"I never thought it would end like this..." Bladedge began.

"Dying in a cloud of tax-related terror mist?" Necroshade asked rhetorically.

"No, being danced in front of by a Texas hick," Bladedge finished.

"Sparkman, before we die," Neos started as he began to cry, "I just wanted to say that I've always loved you with all my heart."

Sparkman's only reply was the cracking of his face shield in embarrassment.

"I really hope there's porno in the afterlife..." Avian mumbled as he began to feel the early stages of cardiac arrest.

And then all the E-Heroes died of massive heart attacks, while Bush lived out the rest of his presidency happy that he accomplished something in his eight years in office...

NOT!!!!!

It turns out, that just before the E-Heroes croaked from their hearts giving out, the happy dance dancing president suffered a heart attack of his own.

"Oh hell...Well, this was unexpected," the startled Bush said as he collapsed to the ground in a big Republican heap. "Remember me...fer the Texas Rangers...and forget all the other crap..." where the last words that Bush muttered before he defecated himself and kicked the bucket.

Meanwhile, in an apartment somewhere in Anime City...

"Heh heh, taste righteous justice, you dirty redneck," a preppy-looking boy said as wrote something in a morbid-looking notebook.

"So Light," a very large and creppy-looking creature behind him started, "You gonna take over the world by killing all the world's leaders?"

"No Ryuk," the boy replied, "Just the really evil and stupid ones, plus I really didn't like him. Who's next...Ah yes, Hillary Clinton..." With that, he continued to write names in his murderous notebook.

As soon as Bush died, by some mystical chance, the Panic Room's fear vents stopped spewing the terror gas, and the E-Heroes quickly became their old chemically-unbalanced selves.

"Well, that's something I never ever want ti go through ever again," Avian said in relief.

"Yeah, dying really sucks," Bladedge said, glad to still be breathing.

"Feh, amateurs," Necroshade said, seemingly indifferent to the fact that another 15 seconds of inhaling the fear mist would've made his cold, black heart explode.

"So, now that this fiasco is all over...wanna go back to the Hero Tower?" Avian asked, receiving a nearly unanimous response; except from Bubbleman, who shouted something involving a beaver and a pair of combat boots.

"Neos, ol'mate, did ya...you know, really mean all that stuff you said before?" Sparkman asked, wondering if his friend had a 'thing' for him.

"Uhhhhhhhhhh...," Neos stammered, beginning to blush. Quickly, he changed the subject to something substantially less homoerotic. "Hey guys, don't you get the feeling that we're forgetting something?"

A few moments of silent pondering where broken by Burstinitrix: "Whatever you're thinking about, forget it, because I really wanna get the hell outta this dump..."

With that, the Elemental Heroes left the Panic Room and wandered around the wasteland that was Anime City for five hours until they finally found the Hero Tower.

Meanwhile, in a dark room somewhere in the Republicans' Secret HQ...

"Hello? Neos? Anybody?..." Aqua Dolphin called out through the locked door.

"Forget it Dolphin, they've clearly forgotten about us," Dark Panther said, pessimistically. "Ungrateful bastards..."

"Hey guys, do you feel something rumbling?" Flare Scarab asked as the ground beneath them began to shake violently, knocking the three unwanted Neo-Spacians to their feet/paws/flippers, whatever they had. A hole opened up in the center of the small space the three where in, and another Neo-Spacian, Grand Mole popped out.

"Is this Reno? Or did I make another wrong turn at Yakima..." Grand Mole wondered out loud, scratching his head.

"Grand Mole! You came to rescue us!" the alien dolphin in Spandex exclaimed.

"I did?" the confused mole-thing asked himself. "I was just looking for some place to blow my money on slot machines and hookers."

"Well, you did now," Dark Panther interjected as he and Flare Scarab climbed into the hole that Grand Mole had dug. "C'mon, let's get outta here."

"Okay, but only if you help with directions," Grand Mole replied as he and Aqua Dolphin crawled out of the building.

Back with the E-Heroes...

"Ah, it feels so good to be home!" Bladedge exclaimed happily as he stood in front of the Hero Tower.

"Well, we would've gotten here sooner if we didn't leave Captain Birdbrain in charge of navigation," Burstinitrix spat. "Again..."

"Hey, you guys could've told me anytime that I was going the wrong direction, but no! We where halfway to Gotham City before someone spoke up," Avian retorted, though not doing a very good job of it.

"Cheer up, ol' chaps!" Sparkman said to lighten up the mood., "We beat that bloke Bush, and now we're back 'ome at last!"

"Yeah, after like a year in limbo..." Necroshade added.

"Yay! I missed you housey!" Bubbleman shouted has he glomp-tackled the Hero Tower.

"I hope my turtle's okay..." Clayman said softly as he and the other E-Heroes entered the Hero Tower, aside from Bubbleman, who was having an intimate moment with said building.

However, once they entered their dwelling, they were shocked to find the entire interior had been redecorated in a Neo-Gothic manner.

"Okay, who let Necroshade's friends in while we where gone?" Burstinitrix asked angrily.

"Burstinitrix! Behind you!" Neos shouted as a portal opened up behind her and a cloaked figure appeared out of it. Without hesitation, the angry fire-demoness spun around and clocked him in the face.

"Ouch, what was that for?" the figure, a black-clad man with intimidating talons on his hands and an entirely white head said in a monotone voice.

"Yo Doom Lord?" another figure, a muscular man with an untamed mass of orange hair and big claw-thingies wearing thigh-high boots and black underwear said, "You alright?"

"It seems as if the original owners of this property have returned, somehow," yet another person, a gentleman wearing a suit and a top hat with a fancy scarf and cane said.

"Okay, who are you guys, and why the hell are you in our tower?" Avian asked, very confused about the situation.

"Are you burglars? Cause the guy on TV said that burglars are bad," Bubbleman said, having recently returned from his hugging session with the Hero Tower.

"Ah, you must be the Elemental Heroes," a man with giant diamonds sprouting from all parts of his body said as he walked into the center of the fray, "We're the Destiny Heroes, another band of superheroes from another realm that Commissioner Komui hired to take your place, as he figured that you had died fighting the Republicans."

"Oh, so your story doesn't get updated for a few months and everyone assumes you're dead, how nice..." Necroshade said, sarcastic as ever.

"So, the Commissioner hired you to replace us?" Bladedge asked.

"Yeah, that makes us better than ya', so scram before we go East Joysey on yer asses!" a Destiny Hero wearing a mech suit and speaking with a thick Bronx accent shouted.

"Oh yeah? Well we aren't just gonna give up our home without a fight!" Burstinitrix shouted back.

"What my angry colleague said is right, this was our territory first, and since we kicked Bush's Texan ass..." Avian started

"Actually he died of a freak heart attack," Sparkman interjected.

"Shut up! I'm trying to prove a point!" Avian rebutted. "Anyway, we're not dead, so you guys aren't needed anymore. Adios, the door's that way," the leader of the E-Heroes said as he pointed to the front door.

"Well, we're not going to leave the best place we've ever stayed in without a fight, either!" a Destiny Hero who looked a lot like an Elite from Halo in black armor with wheels attached to his hands and feet said.

"I purpose a skirmish: a clash to determine which team of heroes is better," the gentleman D-Hero said, trying to resolve things as civilized as possible.

"Or, y'know, we could just let Dreadmaster go berserk on them," the half-naked D-Hero said.

"FIGHT?!? WRAAAAAAR!!!!! I WANNA SMASH SOME FACES!!!!!" an extremely large, muscular D-Hero wearing a metal mask and purple pants who was chained to the floor in the main room shouted.

"No, Captain Tenacious, let's try and accomplish something without destroying half a city this time," Doom Lord said as he got off the floor.

"Feh! Fine, have it your way, we'll still kick you to the curb, literally!" Captain Tenacious proudly exclaimed, taunting the E-Heroes.

"Well bring it on, 'cause the Elemental Heroes can defeat anyone!" Avian taunted back. "Even if it is by a freak accident that is no way connected to us!"

"Sigh, why Defender never get say in anything?" a large, stone-golem looking D-Hero said, sounding depressed.

TO BE CONTINUED

A/N: Well, after like a year of waiting, the sixth chapter of the Real E-Heroes is finally up! W00t! I really doubt it'll be worth the horribly long wait, but it's posted, so be happy for a short time. As you all can see, I've finally wrapped up the Republican story arc, which means this story will no longer be used to express my political views(Go Obama!), and will take on a more traditional fanfiction type of plot. As you also may have noticed, I've brought back the Destiny Heroes that made a brief cameo appearance in Chapter 2 for the new arc that I'm working on. Why? Because I like the D-Heroes and because I needed a new villain for the E-Heroes to triumphantly(or more like accidentally)defeat in mortal combat. I'm not going to make anymore promises about updates, because I suck at keeping them, but the wait for the next chapter shouldn't be as long as the one for this one...

TV Announcer Guy: Ahh, it's great to be free! Anyway, let's see what's going to happen on the next chapter of The Real Elemental Heroes!!!! Having returned from their Republican extermination excursion, the E-Heroes have discovered that the Destiny Heroes, a ne'er-do-well band of 'heroes' have invaded their beloved Hero Tower! Oh noes! Now the E-Heroes have challenged the D-Heroes to a clash of the heroes, to see who is more worthy of protecting Anime City; and more importantly who gets to stay in the Hero Tower. Who will prevail? Who will taste bitter defeat? Will the author update in a reasonable amount of time? Find out in Chapter 7 of The Real Elemental Heroes! Now if you'll excuse me, I've been tied for quite a while, and I have some bedsores to get checked out. Owie...


	8. This is Blunderdome

Disclaimer: I do not hold the rights to anything. Nothing at all. Not even my soul.....

A/N: Hey, guess what? It's been a year and a half since I last updated this story! Does anyone still care? I seriously doubt it. But it's 11:30 at night, I'm really bored, and I just got a really sudden itch to write this after doing through my Yu-Gi-Oh cards again for no apparent reason. So, if anyone with half a brain ever bothers to look at this nonsensical, unintentionally-politically-incorrect crap-heap, enjoy!

TV Announcer Guy: (Is sitting at home in his underwear, eating ice cream and watching Dateline) Huh? What're you guys doing here? This is my house! You can't come in here! AAAAAAAAHHH! HOME INVASION!!!(Runs into the kitchen to grab a frying pan) If a granny can fight off robbers, so can I!......Wait a minute, you guys don't look like burglars...You just look like a bunch of nerdy kids. Hang on, if I'm being visited by people like you, does this mean that the E-Hero story is back? I have a job again?! (A look of glee comes across his face) Wow, I thought the recession killed the fanfic-narrator industry. Geez, I look like crap! Hang on, I'll be back! (Runs off to his bedroom and returns five minutes later, with combed hair, a tie and a microphone. Still in his underwear, though) Okay, now where were we? Oh yeah!

Holy incompetence Batman! It seems that in their insanely long absence, the E-Heroes have been kicked out of Hero Tower! Oh, my! And their rivals, the Destiny Heroes, have moved in as their replacements! What a terrible insult! Now the E-Heroes, not going down without attempting to fight, have challenged the D-Heroes to a series of one-on-one duels to see who is the better hero team! Of course, logic would say the E-Heroes would have their heinies handed to them, but don't count them out yet! The D-Heroes seem to be just as chemically-imbalanced as the E-Heroes are, so there's still hope of their team collapsing in on itself and failing miserably in a serious situation like our favorite hero team usually does! And, of course, there's always Deus Ex Machina.....So sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh at their suckage, as we visit the E-Heroes on another one of their misadventures! Weeee!

The setting: Hero Tower. The Place: The tower's main lobby. The People: a bunch of skeletons permanently fixed into dramatic poses. .....Oh crap, looks like we waited too long to write this chapter and all the Heroes died of starvation and neglect. Damn, just as I finally got the urge to continue this story, all my main cast goes off and freaking dies!

.....Oh, wait a minute, there they all are; they just all got tired of waiting and moved to the TV room. All those skeletons must just be some sort of creepy sculpture the D-Heroes put in after the redecorated the Hero Tower. Never mind. Continuing on!

Both teams of "heroes" were sitting on a massively large couch in the Tower's TV room, watching Rocky IV. Well, most of them were attentive to the movie; Clayman was playing with a toy airplane in a corner of the room, Dreadmaster was beating his head angrily off a wall, and Bubbleman was in the process of gnawing one off his legs off.

Just then the end credits started rolling across the screen.

"That was a pretty kick-ass movie!" Captain Tenacious exclaimed, stretching his arms.

"Yes, a fine and entertaining effort at film making," Doom Lord said in his atonal voice.

"Are you kidding me?!", Avian retorted, "That movie sucked!"

"I can't believe I've found something more stupid than Bubbleman..." Bladedge said in shock.

"TWINKIES!!!!" Bubbleman exclaimed on cue.

"Yo dawg," Diamond Dude butted in with a completely different personality than last time because I hadn't figured out his characterization yet, "It ain't our faults if y'all be hatin' this awesome movie."

"Good lord man, your grammar is deplorable!" Sparkman said with all his limey goodness.

"This coming from the Brit..." Burstinitrix interjected insultingly.

"You's guys wants'ta start somethin'?!" Fear Monger said in his inexplicable New York dialect. "I'll go all East Joysey on yo' asses!"

"I hate everybody...." Necroshade said apathetically.

"WRRRAAAAAUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!" Dreadmaster growled for no reason and continued bashing his head against the wall he was chained to.

"Now, now, people. There's no need for senseless violence over something as trivial as a film," Double Dude said gentlemanly.

"Yes there is!" shouted several members of the group at one.

"Why don't we just settle this matter in a civilized fashion like I proposed last chapter: with one-on-one death combat!" Double Dude said cheerfully. "Isn't that right, Blade Master?"

"Everyone's out to get me, man! They're all out to _get _me, man! They're gonna take me to the happy home even though I told them I'm fine and I don't need to go but they're taking me away anyway, _MAN! _They're all out to get me....I didn't even get any lines last chapter!" Blade Master said, rocking back and forth in the fetal position on the couch.

"Err....anyway," Double Dude started, "How about it, everyone? Who's up for killing each other?"

Everyones' hands shot up at once, unsurprisingly. Except, of course, Clayman, who sighed at the thought of having to fight again; Bubbleman, who has succeed in biting his leg off and was now parading around the room, triumphantly waving it in the air and then promptly falling on his face because he only has one leg; and Dreadmaster, who wanted to partake in the mindless violence; but couldn't raise his hand because it was chained to the floor.

E-HEROES!!!

Double Dude, holding a ye olde lantern in his hand, lead the two groups of dysfunctional heroes down a stairway carved from the stone into the deep dark depths of the basement of the Hero Tower. It was a surprisingly long journey, taking almost an hour to complete; mostly because you couldn't take more than five steps before some stupid, petty argument broke out between two people; and also because the single-legged Bubbleman feel on his face several times and was eventually just kicked down the stairs by a very angry Burstinitrix. And, even though it was a straight stairway, Avian managed to get lost. Imagine that.

Eventually, the group found managed to stop fighting long enough to find their way down a SINGLE FLIGHT OF STAIRS to enter the Hero Tower basement. Though instead of the usual stuff you'd expect to find in a basement: boxes, old stuff, hot water heaters, mold, hostages, etc.; there was a large arena, complete with stadium seating and a concession stand selling nachos at six bucks a pop.

"Holy crap, when'd we get this installed?" Avian asked confusedly.

"Dude, this would be perfect for a LARP battle!" Neos exclaimed, with visions of fat guys fighting with foam swords filling his geeky head.

"Remind Wildheart of home," Wildheart said in the third person, "Rite of Passage in Warrior village. Lots of fighting, pit of death. Me homesick now..."

"Did you guys do this?" Bladedge asked Captain Tenacious.

"Naaah," Tenacious replied, "This was here when we moved in. Looked like someone was having gladiator battles down here or something"

"What kind of cruel, sadistic bloke would do something like that in this day an' age?" Sparkman asked Britishly.

Everyone turned towards Burstinitrix instinctively. Burstinitrix seemed to be reminiscing about something.

"Oh yeah, now I remember what I did down here. Hobo fights. Good times, good times...." the angry heroine said, trailing off into memory lane.

"Well, anyway, shall we get started with the bloodshed, then?" Double Dude said, rubbing his hands together.

"WWWRRRRAAAUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!! CRUSH!!! CRUSH!!!! SMASH!!!! BLARGHHH!!!!!" Dreadmaster screamed in blind, targetless wrath.

"Everyone go BOOM!!!" Bubbleman squeeled happily.

"So, how're we gonna decide who fights each other, huh?" Avian asked, "We got some sort of computer that'll match us up based on our abilities or something?"

"Precisely," Double Dude said matter-of-factly as he lifted a veil on a device sitting in the middle of the spectator box they were in. "Gentlemen.....and lady," he started, acknowledging Burstinitrix, who was flipping him off, "this contraption here is called the Plot Device. It performs any function the author wants it to, so long as it advances the story. In this case, it will now pair up the opponents from each respective team in their own respective match. The combatants will be selected by how similar their abilities are, and how humorous the author presumes the fight between them will be." Double Dude stood back as the Plot Devices started to hum. "Now, in order of when they fight, here are the battles:"

A large screen materialized on the front of the Plot Device, blank at first, but eventually began to play some sort of UFC-style commercial that went something like this:

"SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!! OR WHATEVER DAY IT IS YOU'RE READING THIS," the Plot Device shouted with all the simulated passion of a sportscaster, "BE THERE FOR THE CAGE MATCH OF THE CENTURY!!! IT'S LEAGUE VERSUS LEAGUE; HERO VERSUS HERO; MENTAL PATIENT VERSUS MENTAL PATIENT!!! DON'T MISS THE EPIC THAT IS THE AWESOME THAT IS THE ELEMENTAL HERO VERSUS DESTINY HERO SUPER-DEATH-CAGE-BATTLE-FIGHT-WAR-SKIRMISH-RRRRRAAAAAWWWWRRRRR!!!! FEATURING FIGHTS SUCH AS: AVIAN VS. CAPTAIN TENACIOUS; THE BATTLE OF THE LEADERS!!! BURSTINITRIX VS. FEAR MONGER; CLASH OF THE TEMPERS!!! DOUBLE DUDE VS. SPARKMAN; WHO CAN BE MORE POLITE?!?! CLAYMAN VS. DEFENDER; A CONTEST OF IRON (OR MAYBE STONE) WILLS!!! BLADEDGE VS. BLADE MASTER; POINTY PERSON VERSUS POINTY PERSON!!! DIAMOND DUDE VS. NEOS; SOCIAL STEREOTYPE COMBAT!!! NECROSHADE VERSUS DOOM LORD; EMO SANDWICH!!! WILDHEART VERSUS DREADMASTER; WHO IS MORE UNCIVILIZED?!?! AND WHAT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR; THE GREATEST FIGHT OF ALL TIME: BUBBLEMAN VS. DASHER; WHOSE GENERAL PREMISE IS DUMBER!?!?"

"Hey, I take offense to that!," Dasher exclaimed.

"Shut up, nobody likes you," Captain Tenacious snapped back at Dasher, who, looking very sad, just sat down and started spinning the wheels attached to his feet in depression.

"Woof woof! I brought you a bone!" Bubbleman said with his severed leg in his mouth, down on all fours(Threes now, I guess). He dropped it at Avian's feet, who kicked it into the arena, where a hungry, hungry hobo took it and ran off with it.

"Well, that commercial certainly was exciting," Sparkman said.

"JUST EXCITING?!? IT WAS EFFING EXTREME!!!!!! WWWWRRRRAAAAARRRRRR!!!" the Plot Device shouted back at Sparkman; who in response to this unplugged the machine. "EXXXTTTTRRrrreeemmmeeeee.........." were it's last words as it lost power.

"Now that the matches are determine; LET THE BLOODSPORT BEGIN!!!" Double Dude exclaimed. "....In the next chapter, of course."

A/N: Yeah, that's right, you guys aren't allowed to have anything until next time. I'm such an ungrateful bastard, aren't I?

I'm not going to make any promises about the time frame of the next update, because I never keep them. I'm going to use the Valve policy here and just say it's done when it's done. This probably wasn't anywhere near my best chapter, because it's been a year and four months since I added to this poorly-written excuse for narrative. And also it's really late at night. Like, 1:30 in the morning at the time of writing this. I really only typed this up because I had, like, the ultimate impulse of ultimate destiny. Where was I? Oh yeah, next chapter will be up maybe. Till then, listen to the newly-rehired TV Announcer Guy.

Tv Announcer Guy: Wow, it certainly is great to have a job again! Now I can finally start paying child support to my ex-wife and two kids!......Pfft, what am I saying? Nobody ever bothers doing that! Anyway, the cage match battles have been set! The fighters are ready, and they're out for blood! Scary! Who will win? Who will lose? Who will spontaneously burst into show tunes in the middle of their battle? See how all the fights(or at least however many of them the author decides to elaborate on) in the next chapter of the Real Elemental Heroes! Hopefully, it doesn't end in sex.......


End file.
